Choosing a President

It is time to ditch voting as a method for choosing a President. It doesn't work very well. Look where it keeps getting "us". I suggest taking a cue from popular culture and doing a "Survivor"-style contest; without the TV cameras and the "voting-off" wimpiness.

In my scenario the site would be chosen; a tropical island or a remote Rocky Mountain wilderness area, for example. An airplane loaded with normal traveller artifacts ... and maybe a few dead pigs to stand in for bodies ... would be slammed into the ground by remote control and then all the candidates, including me, would be dropped off immediately to see who can survive the situation. I'd even do it without a gun, to make it realistic, as if we had gone through the TSA "grope and probe gauntlet" before takeoff. If the plane is on fire, the survivors had better see what they can salvage from the burning wreckage quickly. I'd even forgo the crash injuries just to take that factor out of the equation.

I would gladly form an alliance with Ron Paul against the authoritarians. I would encourage cannibalism among the others, but there isn't a one of them I would want to eat. Can you imagine spit-roasted Hitlary? Ewww! I think most of the candidates would taste like an Egyptian mummy. How many of them do you think could start a fire? Does the TSA allow lighters? I think so, but my dad can't start a fire with a lighter and gasoline soaked wood. Would the candidates fare any better? Yep, there would be plenty of laughs. I think I'd enjoy seeing what happens to the control-freaks when there is no one to do their bidding.

Since there would be no "voting off", the last one to quit (or the last survivor) would be the winner. Then again, maybe I should reconsider the TV cameras. They could be hidden in the trees or in rocks. People should see what the candidates are really made of. I'm no Bear Grylls; I don't take crazy chances just to make for thrilling television. I don't look as good either, unfortunately. I might just try to stay out of their way until they had either killed one another, or died of starvation. We'd better get busy on this; there is less than a year now. We should make certain the President is chosen in time for the formerly important "Election Day, 2008".