Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Being better

I've made some people extremely angry in the past by saying I was trying to help them be better. That was a mistake! I probably could have phrased it better, but it might have made no difference anyway.

I can't remember all the specific topics, but I know spelling and grammar figured in a couple of times that are burned into my memory. I was told, "I don't want to be better! I don't need to be fixed!"

I've run into this same issue even when I've just tried to demonstrate an easier or better way to do something I've seen someone struggling with. They'd rather keep struggling than learn something new.

This is an attitude I can't wrap my head around. I always want to be better. I love learning new ways to do things-- even if I eventually go back to doing it the way I did before. I've even let people try to fix me. (It's not their fault I'm difficult to fix.)

I have seen the same attitude in people who have a problem that could be solved, but they don't want to solve it. They'd rather pretend it's not a problem because they get their identity from it. It has given them a culture.

This is why you'll never be able to help most statists. They love their defect and will stand firm in denying it is a defect. They get an identity from it-- its "pole quilts" and other symbols, its rituals and documents, its beliefs and camaraderie. It has given them a culture and they aren't letting go. Not even when you offer a healthier culture in its place.

Part of it is probably that they don't want to admit they've been wrong; that they've wasted years of life going down a terrible path. I can't really blame them, but I wish they'd take the hand I offer. You can't help people who don't want to be helped.


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