Our Relationship Rules:
- You will not trade with others unless you pay me for my permission first, or you'll get locked in a cage. For some things, like alcohol and guns, you'll have to beg and pay me twice. (Because I don't like you having access to them, but I'm afraid you might throw me out if I flat out deny them to you.) And getting my permission means you'll let me nose through all your papers and harass your customers anytime I feel like it. You'll thank me for it.
- You aren't allowed to hire any help unless you pay them what I say. Or I'll destroy your livelihood and lock you in a cage
- Your car belongs to me, as demonstrated by the plate I'll force you to rent and affix to it, and you can only use it as long as I say you can.
- You won't travel faster in your car than some arbitrary speed I've decided on, or I'll stop, molest, and rob you. I might decide to lock you in a cage or kill you if I get scared. The same goes for wearing a seat belt.
- You must at all times carry the identification card I'll rent you, and you will not use your vehicle without it.
- You have to insure your car to my standards, and carry proof that you've done so, through those I've made arrangements with, or I'll take it from you. With violence if you resist.
- Your house and land will remain my property forever, which you can keep using only as long as you pay a yearly ransom. Your money is also mine, for you to use only as long as you continue to hand a percentage of it to me.
- You will hand your children over to my employees to be indoctrinated into believing I am good and necessary for survival. You will, of course, have to pay an excessive fee for this "service" or I'll take your property to sell to someone more compliant. I may also take "your" children and give them to someone else to raise. You must pretend I am educating the children.
- If I don't feel like others have strict enough rules against you owning, carrying, and using weapons of defense, I'll impose my own additional rules. You'll only defend yourself from others with my permission, which you'll never quite be sure of having. And, if you do, I'll steal your weapon and lock you in a cage, only letting you out if you can prove you didn't really mean it.
- You are never allowed to use weapons against me, no matter how abusive or threatening you believe I have become. Or I will kill you or lock you in a cage.
- Certain plants can only be grown, sold, or consumed if I say so, and if I can find a way to get you to pay me. Otherwise, I'll lock you in a cage.
- You can only play games using money as a way of keeping score if I say so. And if I'm getting a piece of the action, obviously.
- I can make up any new rule at any time. I'll decide which rules I will enforce, and when.
- If you cross some imaginary line, any or all of these rules may change because you're now in a relationship with someone else.










