I admit, this is probably not the only time I violated the Zero Aggression Principle, but it is the most recent example I can think of. It was my junior year in high school. I was a geeky, nerdy kid with thick glasses. Lanky and klutzy (even worse than I am now), and odd. I was also very reserved and quiet. For some reason one kid (David) decided it was his job to torment me every time he saw me in the halls between classes. I never had done anything to him that I know of; I rarely spoke to anyone, and certainly never in a rude way. However, he began saying "Fag, fag, fag...." every single time he saw me. I wasn't sure why he chose me to taunt, and I ignored him for months. I never got angry about it. Until the day he caught me in a bad mood.
I don't remember why I was irritable that day. I was walking to the bus after school and walked past him. He began his taunts. I felt the rage rise throughout my body and the heat in my face. I dropped my books, turned around, and grabbed him by the collar. While shaking him I warned "You ever say that to me again, I will kill you!". I just remember him dangling there like a rag doll, looking stunned. I set him down, picked up my books, and, quaking with adrenaline, continued on my way. As soon as I was a few steps away from him, he started saying "Come back here and fight". I had control of myself by this time and kept walking.
The next day I was afraid or ashamed to even be at school. I passed David in the hall and he just said "hi". Never again did he taunt me or even act like there was any problem between us. In fact, he seemed like he was trying to be friendly. A couple of years later a friend of mine who was also a friend of his asked me about the incident. It seems David had told him about it and said that he respected me for not hitting him that day. Strange.
Still, I now realize I was wrong to have reacted the way I did. David had not attacked me in any way. Although his taunts irritated me, there was no real harm in them. In today's school environment, I would have been ordered into treatment for attacking and threatening to kill someone. Possibly I would have been arrested. I would probably have been ordered into sensitivity counselling for reacting negatively to the word "fag" (although I think it wouldn't have mattered if he had chosen the word "human"; it was the tone and ongoing nature of it that made me snap). The potential punishments are not what makes it wrong to violate the ZAP. It is recognizing that I can't claim that this is a universal principle and ignore it myself that makes it wrong. I do much better these days.
