I originally got this idea from the LP of Louisiana, and then I modified it a little.
I used to print it out, fold it up, give it a little pocket wear and tear, and then casually drop it in public places. I don't know if anyone ever picked a copy up and read it, or what effect it had if they did. But I found it funny to think about. Maybe I'll start doing that again. Anyway, here's the note...
Our Relationship Rules:* You will not make money without telling me.
* If you trade, you can only do so with my permission.
* You will not own anything I don't approve of, or I'll lock you in a cage.
* You will pay me a large percentage of your income, or get locked in a cage.
* You will pay me a large percentage of your income, or get locked in a cage.
* If you do not pay me whatever I demand, you will get locked in a cage.
* I will take your money as I see fit and spend it as I want. My friends will get a cut.
* You will not leave my property without my permission.
* If you attempt to leave my property after getting my permission, I will grope you while bystanders watch before I decide if I'll allow you to go.
* If you want friends to come over from another place, they must get my permission first. I will grope them. If they are someone I don't approve of, I may put them in the cage or send them back home without letting them see you.
* You will let me listen in on your phone calls, texts, emails, or any other communications. You will let me bug your computer and watch you and listen to you through its camera and microphone, even if you're not using it.
* I will monitor your every movement by tracking your cell phone.
* I will ask you to publicly show your approval of me from time to time. If you don't, my friends will visit you at home and confront you in public, demanding you make this show of loyalty. If you don't do so to my satisfaction, I may put you in the cage.
* If you try to defend yourself from my henchmen, they will kill you- or put you in the cage if you survive.
* If you resist being locked in the cage, I will kill you.
* I will change these rules in my favor whenever I feel like it, and there's nothing you can do but beg me not to.
* If you complain about any of the above, it's a sign you don't love me, and I may lock you in the cage to teach you to respect me.
Your loving companion,
The Federal Government of the United States of America
The Federal Government of the United States of America
