Respect not automatic; it must be earned

(My Eastern New Mexico News column for May 21, 2025)

Some people think the lack of respect is one of the biggest problems society faces. I think the problem is people who haven't earned respect thinking they deserve it anyway.

Respect isn't automatic. It doesn't come with a job or position. It is earned. The way to earn respect is to be respectable; to respect the life, liberty, and property of others.

The fastest way to lose my respect is to try to control people. You'll also lose my respect by demanding respect while behaving in ways that don't earn it.

People who believe in the magical quality they call "authority", and who imagine themselves to possess this quality, are never going to earn my respect. It's pointless for them to try, since they sabotaged their efforts the moment they tried to skip to the front of the line.

I've never seen anyone who earns respect demanding to be respected. If someone feels this is necessary, it's a sign they haven't earned your respect.

If I believe they have the power to hurt me, and are likely to do so, I might fear them. Fear is the opposite of respect, but it can look the same to the bad guy. This pretend respect isn't real; it's a thin veneer which won't stand up to time or pressure.

I think a respectful attitude should be the default until you find out whether it can be real. I tend to treat people as though I respect them until they either earn my real respect or show me why they can't be respected. I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they show me who they really are. At that point, they've either earned my respect and made it real or lost any chance at having it. I won't be faking it, either way.

If you feel you don't get the respect you deserve, look at your own behavior. Have you earned respect, or has your behavior chased away any vestige of respect you might have gotten by default? Have you cornered everyone around you into lying and pretending to respect you while they loathe you- or ridicule you- behind your back? Do you bully people into pretending they respect you while being the last person on Earth anyone would genuinely respect? How do you think this will work for you in the long run?

Earning real respect is easy enough, but there are no shortcuts.

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