Back when I was a follower of a religion which condemned homosexuality, I went along and believed it was wrong, just like I was told to believe. Still, I could never really figure out how it was supposed to be a threat to me. I didn't give it that much thought.
During my teenage years I had begun to realize my youngest sister was probably a lesbian, although I never said anything to her about it. It wasn't an issue and was none of my business until she chose to make it my business.
In my early 20s I got "hit on" by an older guy at a park while I was taking my lunch break away from work. I wasn't rude-- I just mentioned my wife and hinted I wasn't interested. There was no problem; the guy just went on his way.
Years later, a gay friend hit on me at karaoke one night. Again I just said I wasn't interested in guys and let it drop. We remained friends.
I've been propositioned online several times over the years, especially during the chat room days. There was no need for me to be rude about it. I can't blame someone for taking a chance.
As the years passed I became more and more libertarian (even before I knew what to call it). This powered up my inability to be offended over such things. I came to see that all humans have equal and identical rights, and that's that. No one has "extra" rights; no one has "limited" rights. Your sexuality doesn't even figure in. I see this more clearly every passing day.
Which brings us to now. There is one apparently homosexual person who is offending me, and some are trying to twist my offense into being about homosexuality. I don't think it is.
My 11-year-old daughter has a "frienemy" who has been trying to bully her-- with the encouragement of the girl's parents-- into a lesbian relationship. It has been going on for a year and a half now. This girl acts like a friend until she draws my daughter in, and then she does the nastiest, meanest things I have ever seen a kid do-- totally crushing my daughter with her backstabbing. This drives my daughter away from her. As soon as she realizes my daughter is out of her control, she acts sweet and reels her in again-- and convinces her that she's my daughter's only "real friend" and that her parents can't be trusted. This repeats endlessly. This has led to some difficult and uncomfortable parenting decisions on my part.
The other girl's parents have even tried to talk my daughter into leaving home and moving in with their family so the girls can be together. They are all trying to make this into an issue of anti-gay bigotry, when it is nothing of the sort. You abuse and backstab my daughter, and manipulate her to try to drive a wedge between us, and I don't care who or what you are. I'll hope for your destruction. My older daughter was trapped in an abusive heterosexual relationship for 7 of the last 8 years of her life. This is a line you don't want to cross with me. My tolerance for such things has been used up.
"Mad" doesn't begin to cover it.
My daughter can choose to be in a developmentally appropriate relationship with whoever she chooses, but I will do what I can to protect her from an abuser. And this girl is quite definitely an abuser and a bully, even if my daughter refuses to see it.
And, by the way, my (lesbian) sister agrees with me.
Interesting times.
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Reminder: I could really use some economic help, too.
From what you've described, it sounds like the "frienemy" may have borderline personality disorder. Perhaps if you can educate your daughter about BPD, she may recognize the symptoms and get herself out of that situation on her own.
ReplyDeleteI won't try to involve myself in your parenting or tell you how to best help your daughter, only to wish you the best with her, because it is the most important thing you can do with your life. As far as the homosexuality issue, I was a Baptist, I even went to Bible college thinking I was going to become a pastor. Long story short, I ended up divorced and the church abandoned me.
ReplyDeleteI went through a lot, but even though the church abandoned me, God did not. I have a closer relationship with God now than I ever did before. I understand my place in the universe and how it fits with the Creator of it all.
I also understand how God loves everyone and will forgive everyone no matter what their sin might be, because Jesus died for everyone, from the man who wanted to be a pastor and ended up divorced, playing in a rock and roll band( that's me), to the homosexual who marries his or her love of their life and leads a monogamous life and treats everyone with kindness, to everyone in between. God is not a respecter of anyone, meaning that to Him or Her, we are all the same.
Organized religion has probably harmed more people than any other thing that Satan could have dreamed up to stop the movement of Christianity.
I wish you and your family nothing but the best, and pray that your daughter has the strength and wisdom to be who she is meant to be, without letting this other girl and her family force her into something else.
Does your daughter go to government schools? If so, there are lots of disordered kids who'll do this kind of thing. Otherwise, why is she allowed to hang out with such a mean and manipulative person?
ReplyDeleteYes, she is a kinderprison inmate, against my wishes-- as I have written about several times before. And, this is part of the reason I opposed it.
DeleteShe is no longer allowed to hang out with this person outside of that toxic environment, and because of this I'm "ruining" her life.
"The other girl's parents have even tried to talk my daughter into leaving home and moving in with their family so the girls can be together."
ReplyDeleteThat is all together creepy and disturbing. If your daughter was 18 or close to it, I'd understand, but encouraging an 11 year old to leave home that way is just wrong.
Yeah. That's a big problem for me, too.
DeleteHer parents were also the ones who convinced their daughter that if she "likes" my daughter, it means she's a lesbian, and then encouraged her to go after my daughter. To me it seems like they want a chance to be on that particular bandwagon, through their daughter.
"Gay" is very trendy among that age group right now. Even though I doubt most of them even have a clue what it really means. I've had several talks about it with my daughter over the past couple of years. She was surprised when she stated that she didn't know any gay people and I pointed out that she did. I asked how she felt about her aunt, and whether her being gay made any difference-- she admitted it didn't.
Things have calmed down slightly in the past week. I'm staying vigilant.
A few years ago, my daughter was graduating from high school, and they had this big push going on, in which a large group of girls were experimenting with playing to be lesbians. My daughter got caught up in that a little bit, but now is not trying to be involved in any of that at all.
DeleteAt the time, I was somewhat dismayed with it, but I didn't want to come down too hard on it as I am not judgemental, and didn't want her to think I was judging who she was, if that was really her. When she graduated it pretty much died out, which I suspected would happen, and now she is a happy young woman, working as a cna in an old folks home.
Peer pressure is a strange thing, and is pretty much the same now as when I graduated in 1978, even more perhaps. To fight against it takes a strong person. I was fortunate in that I was well liked and strong, even though I was one of the nerd types, not getting into the pot and alcohol that were popular back then, but rather I was an athlete and musician.
Anyway, best of luck, and hopefully things work out for the best. I know it can be a hard thing.
She caught her frenemy in a(nother) lie yesterday. I keep hoping this will eventually add up to where she realizes the girl is just not a good person. She's still taking her frustration out on me, mostly. If I can just stay calm and let her see my only real concern is with her well-being, maybe I can help her through this.
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